Hell

Here's a picture from Turkmenistan for a dramatic thumbnail.

Freshman year was the first time I'd heard at a church that Hell wasn't real. I can't recall exactly which denomination that church belonged to, so I'm not going to make any bad guesses.

I think Hell is often referred to as the grave, Sheol, Gehenna, the place of weeping and gnashing of teeth, where the worm never dies, lake of fire, Hell, outer darkness, eternal separation from God's love, Abaddon, or Apollyon. Some of the words may not be exact allusions to Hell, but I haven't looked into it enough

I do believe Hell is real.

It's often used flippantly. I wouldn't quite put it on the same level as using God's name in vain, but it is irreverent. Maybe like saying for Heaven's sake? I'm not sure. People often compare bad circumstances on Earth to Hell. We often compare good things to Heaven. I imagine Hell and Heaven are much more than what we comprehend. If someone has gone through a tragedy, I don't think I'd condemn their use of the word.

I think the worse way of using Hell is to tell someone to go to it. We often don't put enough thought into our words, but wishing eternal separation from God's love is, if you'll excuse my cultural relevance, antithetical to The Gospel.

Of course there is forgiveness through repentance, when sought.

Hell had been on my radar lately. I liked a song not too long ago. It had hell in it. I wanted to post it, but wasn't sure about it.

I started thinking about Hillsong's song about something hurting like hell and Nevertheless's song about being in a little hell.

Then days later I came across Desantis wanting Faucci to go to Hell and Cruz's "What the hell is this?" tweet about a Star Trek clip.

Here's the song.



Oh the cross I see
Looks more like a lynching tree
Like a suffering humanity
Strung up by its neck, hands and feet
But Jesus is dying upon that tree

Oh the cross I see
Looks plain like this world to me
Some claim that it's fair and free
Like their precious democracy
But Jesus is dying upon that tree

Oh the blood is running down
Upon the weeping wailing ground
With every body that breaks the earth it shakes
You see Jesus is dying upon that tree

The cross I see
Looks like this devil economy
Folks dotting i's and crossing t's
Trampling the poor for prosperity
But Jesus is dying upon that tree

Oh the blood is running down
Upon the weeping wailing ground
With every body that breaks the earth it shakes
You see Jesus is dying upon that tree

Mercy,
Mercy,
Oh my God have mercy on me
Mercy,
Mercy,
Oh my God have mercy on me

For the mothers and their daughters
For the sons who have lost their fathers
For the vagrants and the refugees
For the children who have become commodities
For the homeless seeking daily bread
Begging pocket change needing to be fed
For the immigrant working endless days
Exploited on a promise with no pay raise
For the prisoner locked inside his cell
Counting those days as he rots in hell
For the victims of this wretched war
And for the movement that we’ll just keep marching for

Aphasia (Without Utterance)

-The loss of a previously held ability to speak or understand spoken or written language, due to disease or injury of the brain.

   "It's like trying to take care of a drunk person."

   That's what my dad said about her.  I don't know how it happened, or what it really was.

   She usually just slept a lot.  I'd come home, hear an inquisitive hello, and have a quick visit before getting sucked into whatever it was I'd do on a given day.  I'd end up having one head phone in, with another out, so that I'd be able to respond as if in conversation, but still able to do what I really wanted, listen to music.
   She pointed at the ceiling one day and tried to say to turn off or on the fan or light, but it didn't come out that way.  My guess is that her brain to mouth skills didn't work as well anymore.  But she was going to the doctor that day, so I figured things would be all right.
   Maybe the doctor didn't notice the error in her speech cognition, but she came back with no news.
   The next few days were the worst.  All she did was sleep.  I'm sure she had headaches - she always has headaches.  She had to have been extremely hungry.  She had been throwing up after every ingestion for a while, so she quit eating.  He rare speech became slurred, along with being like someone with a split-brain trying to relay a message from one side to the other.
  We'd get her to drink pills every few hours, hoping they'd help, every time afraid we'd choke her with the water.  Her mouth stayed open to help her breath, for a few days.  My throat hurts after one night of sleeping like that.  I can only imagine 3 days.
   Sometimes she'd wiggle around, slightly adjusting her position on the bed.  She'd seem conscious if we bothered her enough, but that's what it felt like, bothering.

   It ended a month before her birthday.

   I feel like I should focus on the good things.  I should remember her, cherishing the good times, and laughing at the bad ones, regardless of the sadness I've felt from some of them.  They're all good now.  I should be happy that every pain she's had for so long is over.  I want to believe that the day of one's death is better than the day of one's birth.  I want to.  I do.
  I want to think of my future mother-in-law.  I'd like to appreciate her.  I want her to have a happy Mother's Day.
   But this Mother's Day,
   I'd like to stay home.  I'd like to be alone.  I'd like to not talk, or even think about things.

The Brightest

   And it was the brightest rainbow I've ever seen.
   It was given to me in my darkest.
   Thank You for this reminder, Love.
   For this comfort.
   For perfection.

   And I will establish my covenant with you; neither shall all flesh be cut off any more by waters of a flood; neither shall there any more be a flood to destroy the earth.

   And God said, this is the token of the covenant which I make between me and you and every living creature that is with you, for perpetual generations:

   I do set my bow in the cloud, and it shall be for a token of a covenant between me and the earth.

   And it shall come to pass, when I bring a cloud over the earth, that the bow shall be seen in the cloud:

   And I will remember my covenant, which is between me and you and every living creature of all flesh; and the waters shall no more become a flood to destroy all flesh.

   And the bow shall be in the cloud; and I will look upon it, that I may remember the everlasting covenant between God and every living creature of all flesh that is upon the earth

   And God said unto Noah, This is the token of the covenant, which I have established between me and all flesh that is upon the earth.

Teeny Heart

"My heart's (way) too small; please let me use, let me have, Yours."

   It's hard.  Hard to do things we don't want to.  Hard to be extremely uncomfortable.  Hard to go against our preferred ways.  Hard to break the molds of our personalities.  Hard to deny ourselves.  Hard to carry our burdens.  Hard to carry our crosses.

   It seems impossible to me.  I just can't do it.  I'm unable, incapable.

   I want to bear my cross.  Help me to.  I need You.  Only You.

  I was at church last night, and while the last song played, I dwelt in His Spirit, I think.

By the cross You, beckon me
Draw me gently, to my knees
I'm lost for words so, lost in love
Sweetly broken, wholly surrendered

   The rest of the night, verses felt so meaningful to me.  Like they are speaking to me, meant for me.  : )

Ephesians 6:10-12
10 Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord, and in the power of his might. 11 Put on the whole armour of God, that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil.  12 For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.

2 Corinthians 10:3-5

3 For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war after the flesh:  4 (For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strong holds;)  5 Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ

(The next one's from morning time : p)

Galatians 6:3-5
3 For if a man think himself to be something, when  he is nothing, he deceives himself.  4 But let every man prove his own work, and then shall he have rejoicing in himself alone, and not in another.  5 For every man shall bear his own burden.

   And the last verses shared last night, were from Daniel, chapter 10.  It was amazing.  I'd read that same thing maybe a week ago in the same room.  : )

   Digressssss.  The verses I've posted were/are comforting.  Troubles I have are not against people, but against powers.  Very, very, good to remember.  For my own health especially.  "Every man shall bear his own burden."  It sounds a bit tough, hard to take.  "Aren't we to bear each others' burdens?"  Yes.  But we will bear our own as well.  We shouldn't run from it, we shouldn't ignore it, fly away from it.  And we do have help from others.  But, from Jesus especially.  He even says so.  He'll take our heavy, impossible burdens, and give us his light, easy(Somehow easy and light.  I guess because He's still doing the work) burden, or yoke.

   When Jesus took his cross, physically.(He did it every single moment metaphorically)  It hurt him, tremendously.  The pain was sooo much.  But even with that, it had the beautiful, perfect outcome.  Everybody, everyybody, is able to come to God.  We're all invited.

   What unaware beauty may come from my cross?

Let's teach our children to use the bow(Oh, that I had wings like a dove!)

   Reading, reading, reading.
The Bible has tons of good stuff in it.
It is good stuff.
It's God's word.

   Life seems to become complicated at times.
But regardless of how my life seems to me.
God is constantly good.  He doesn't stop.  He doesn't change.

   I read this this morning.
The verse about a friend came to my mind just a few days ago.
I didn't know where it was from.
Then today, I read this, and as I read it, I knew it was meant for me.

   It was during a time of sharing, and I really, really didn't want to share.
I thought to myself, I shouldn't share this, it might not be good.
Then I thought, "What am I thinking?  Of course it's good; it's Bible."
But I was too afraid.  It was too personal to me.  I didn't want to reveal my feelings.

   But I should.  It's so useful.  To let others in.
It's so terrifying though.

Psalms 55

   Give ear to my prayer, O God; and hide not yourself from my supplication
~Attend unto me, and hear me; I mourn in my complaint, and make a noise;
Because of the voice of the enemy, because of the oppression of the wicked; for they cast iniquity upon me, and in wrath they hate me
~My heart is sore pained within me: and the terrors of death are fallen upon me.
Fearfulness and trembling are come upon me, and horror has overwhelmed me.
~And I said, Oh that I had wings like a dove!  For the I would fly away, and be at rest
~Lo, then would I wander far off, and remain in the wilderness.               Selah.
I would hasten my escape from the windy storm and tempest.
Destroy, O Lord, and divide their tongues: for I have seen violence and strife in the city.
Day and night they go about it upon the walls thereof: mischief also and sorrow are in the midst of it.
Wickedness is in the midst thereof: deceit and guile depart not from her streets.
~For it was not an enemy that reproached me; then I could have borne it: neither was it he that hated me that did magnify himself aganst me; then I would have hid myself from him:
~But it was you, a man my equal, my guide/companion, and my acquaintance.
~We took sweet counsel together, and walked unto the house of God in company.
Let death seize upon them, and let them go down quick into Sheol: for wickedness is in their dwellings, and among them.
As for me, I will call upon God; and the Lord shall save me.
Evening, and morning, and at noon, will I pray, and cry aloud: and he shall hear my voice.
He has delivered my soul in peace from the battle that was against me: for there were many against me.
God shall hear, and afflict them, even he that abides of old.     Selah.     Because they have no changes, therefore they fear not God.
He has put forth his hands against such as be at peace with him: he has broken his covenant.
~The words of his mouth were smoother than butter, but war was in his heart: his words were softer than oil, yet were they drawn swords.
Cast your burden upon the Lord, and He shall sustain you: He shall never suffer the righteous to be moved.

I added tildes for fun in there.  Those spots stick out to me.

The way I feel. 1/3

I get this feeling.

   That thing I feel as I frantically rearrange chairs more comfortably just before you arrive.  The same thing that comes over me as 8 o'clock nears and goes, after I've given you my message.  How it feels as you pay attention to the things I say; to the motions my face makes as I listen and respond.  It comes when you remember my likes and dislikes.  It's present when you wake up just to tell me goodbye; to see me out.  I feel it when you hurt because of my pain.  I know it when you give up your sleep, to make sure I'm aware of happy prayers.  It's there when you beckon me with your hand, inviting me for your embrace.  It's so present when you understand me; even when you try to understand me.  I experience it when you come to my defense, when you pray for me, with me.  It overcomes me when you spring up, to give such encouraging hugs.  I notice it when I see the compassion you have for the people around you, and when you help others with understanding.  I'm aware of it when you share what's inside of your heart; the bits you like, along with the ones you don't.  I'm sure of it when you put your desires, your comforts, aside, to make sure we're with God.  I see it when our eyes meet to silently explain our feelings.

I believe this feeling is a part of love.
I have love for you.
I love you.

But,
All of these things,
Our God feels for me,
Much, much, more-so.
He gains so much more joy when I initiate intimate touch with Him.
When I listen to what He feels.
When I consider His feelings, and try to understand.
When I want to listen to what He says.
When I wake up just to tell Him good morning, just to talk to Him, just to let Him know I care, just to hear.
His love is complete; it's perfect.
He longs for me.
He longs for me to long for Him.

He's teaching me.
Through the feelings he's given me for you.
He's teaching me of Himself.
Love

Choice, 3/3

You love me so much, you let me choose.

   It's something that's been coming to me lately.

   I've heard it said, that we, people, aren't like puppets, with little pull-strings.  Strings made for tugging, to make us say, "I love you."

   God doesn't want an automated response from us.  If He did, He would have made us those puppets.  As mindless machines.

   But, what He does want, is for us to choose.  He wants us to decide to love Him.  He wants our freely given, not forcefully taken, love.

   Love isn't something someone can take, but something someone has to give.  He wants us to desire Him, but He's so kind, that he let's us choose to, or not to.

   He loves me so much, that He let's me pick.  I can have what I want.  But He longs for me to make the right choice.  He wants to lead me, He wants to help me, but I need to actually look to Him for that help.  If I don't, He will let me go my own way.